Preamble – I wrote this draft several months ago when I still worked at the mentioned tiny company. At this point, I’ve been gone for 4 months so I made some edits to reflect the passage of time.
I saw reference to a Twitter horror story some time ago. it read, “Monday, Tuesday, Wednesday, Thursday, Monday…”
With that in mind, let me tell you about a (at this point not-so) recent Friday. I’ll start with the decidedly un-funny bits, then there will be some neutral bits, and finally, I’ll wrap up with the (at the time) downright hysterical bits.
I worked at a small IT services company. As in 7 employees and the owner’s dad moonlights as the development guy. Needless to say, we’re all up in each other’s business. So when one person’s father passes away, we all know pretty much immediately. That was the first happening on this particular Friday and the decidedly un-funny bit.
I was the operations manager at said tiny company. As such, I was the central repository of all knowledge, scheduling, appointments, etc. I was also the chief bottle washer and tp roll changer (because apparently IT guys truly are untrained monkeys).
The first text came in around 9:15, “bus didn’t show up again, going to be late.” OK, I can work with that.
20 minutes later, “was stung in the back of the head by a wasp or something, going to be later than expected.”
AND THUS IT BEGAN.
A bit later, “girlfriend was walking down the same block and got stung in the face, just got off the bus to call her, will let you know.”
(Only later did I later found out that he had to get off the bus because he had to find wifi in order to call her back. Because he hadn’t paid his bill and his cell service was cut. SIGH)
While this is going on, I notice an email from a relatively new client, “I was under the impression we had an appointment for 9:00 AM today, why didn’t anybody show up?”
ARE YOU &$^#@ KIDDING ME RIGHT NOW?!?!
At this point it’s 10:15 or thereabouts and way too late to send someone out there, this guy had to move on with his morning, albeit without a working computer. (I can only imagine what he thought of us as he rang up his customers with his backup abacus)
OK, so now I’ve got to track down the missing technician. Eventually, he appears online, “Sorry, woke up late to a dead phone. It’s also my alarm clock.”
Of course, it is. OK. Found missing technician. One down.
10:30 and the wasp sting is being dealt with using what the stingee calls his “eye-in-the-back-of-the-head patch.” In other words, he’s got an ice pack taped to his head.
Which leads, logically, to talk of the stealthy nature of the critter that stung him. The naming went roughly like this:
Stealthy Pirate Bee (see above eye patch reference) > Ninja Pirate > Ronin Wasp > Lego Ninja Yellowjacket (except black, because ninja and clearly he had no clue what actually got him) > The Greenlake Ronin Ninja Wasp from Hell, 2017 Edition.
To add some perspective on this discussion, I’m the oldest employee at 40, the youngest clocks in at 33. So these are full grown, ostensibly adult type people.
At least nobody called it Waspy McWaspface.
It is at this point that the utterly ridiculous nature of the morning hit full force and I couldn’t stop laughing. Like, full grown man about to piss himself laughing. At the Ronin Ninja thing. Which on the face of it really isn’t that funny or clever. The benefit of hindsight tells me that, now.
At the time, coffee was coming out of my nose.
And I wasn’t the only one. The whole room was getting that cathartic release that only a really good, deep, almost uncontrollable laugh can give.
Thankfully the rest of the day went smoothly. Although, and again in hindsight, with the way it started – what other direction could it have gone?