Wellness is about how you show up, about how you allow yourself to be.
In those posts, I started with a dictionary definition of Wellness, this time I want to take a ramble down a parallel path, looking for an answer to that nagging question, “what is wellness?”
Wellness is what YOU make it.
That may sound like a cop-out to some of you, please remember that there are no concrete metrics for wellness. There is no test your doctor can run, no results page with a list of numbers. I’ve said all along that wellness will be defined differently by different people, or even by the same person at different stages of life. Wellness is dependent on the totality of what makes you YOU at any given point in time.
Wellness is NOT about how you look, or how much you can lift.
Those are legitimate aspects of Wellness to be sure, there are just so many other aspects that to focus on those two is to shortchange yourself and to lose track of the goal – whole body well-being. From these two points, how can we hope to come to a concrete definition? Let’s try reframing the question – why do we feel the need to have a concrete definition of such a fluid concept after all? We might as well be asking, “How can we come to one concrete definition of wellness that will work for everyone?” We can’t. Great, now that we’ve ruled out that possibility, we ought to be able to get somewhere.
Reframed question – How can we define wellness in a way that each person seeing that definition will know how to interpret it, FOR THEMSELVES?*
Here we go, now we’ve arrived at where I think the paraphrase that started this whole chain of thought comes into play and why it resonated so strongly with me. Look at wellness as a state of mind. If you look at yourself in the mirror in the morning and your first thought starts with “why can’t you…” or “why aren’t you…” your state of mind that day won’t be brimming with wellness, will it? You’re going into the day feeling shame for some aspect of your appearance, or by chastising yourself for a perceived flaw. That’s going to color everything you do, all day.
What if when you looked in the mirror, you thought of 3 things you appreciate about your life? Or 3 things you’re looking forward to that day? Now you’re starting off with positive thoughts, no shame in sight, and no dwelling on that perceived flaw (that in all likelihood isn’t a flaw at all). Doesn’t that sound more likely to engender a good state of mind?
And that better state of mind will in turn influence how you show up in the world – and according to this new definition we’re looking at, your wellness. Your interactions with coworkers will be more pleasant because you aren’t seeing everything through either the filter of body shame or the “what if” filter. This is what creates the sense that all of your interactions are with people who are judging you, while in reality, this is just your negative self-talk being projected onto others.
Eliminating these filters allows you to just Be with the other person, free from assumptions and self-conscious self-talk. To NOT project your insecurities onto them, to simply Be there with the other person, in that moment.
Now that we’re seeing wellness as a state of mind rather than a set of metrics we can have diagnosed by our doctor, trainer, etc…what now? It’s time to combine this point of view with the outcome of my previous post series – Wellness is a moving target, and those with a good SOC (Sense Of Coherence) are more likely to be able to make the changes necessary to overcome the hurdles and find their way to Wellness.
One of the key aspects of a healthy SOC (no pun intended), is an individual’s ability to adapt to ever-changing situations. This includes overall health, acute disease diagnoses, even things as seemingly mundane as a cold. This ability to adjust is key because, without it, people can end up wallowing in the ‘what-if’s’ of a situation, and that tends to lead to a downward spiral that it can be difficult to pull out of.
When you combine this idea of adaptability, a high SOC, and wellness as a moving target – you begin to understand that it’s going to take some experimentation, some trial and error even, before you find the path to wellness that’s right…for YOU. Understanding this is the first step to that high SOC, and therefore more adaptability and willingness to experiment and to not let one path being a wrong turn keep you from trying another.
In turn, all of this makes it all the more likely that you’ll find your path, and your ideal wellness.
*I have a post on cognitive reframing from a previous blog, I’ll get it touched up and posted early in the new year.