A deceptively simple-seeming concept I recently came across goes something like this:
“It’s not you. It’s not me. It’s US.”
Seeing a relationship like this lets both parties view it as something outside themselves. Something that exists independently, and therefore as something that you can dissolve without reflecting negatively on either person. It’s not that you’re a bad person, nor am I, it’s this relationship that isn’t working.
Finding this concept came at a meaningful time for me, I was contemplating how to extricate myself from a toxic working relationship.
This simple concept turns out to be a powerful way of looking at toxic relationships. It takes the *blame* off of both parties, and puts it on the interplay between them.
It turns the squishy concept of a relationship into a tangible thing, a thing that is not working.
I wish I had some sort of concrete advice to add here, the fact of the matter is that I don’t. What I wanted to do here was share this perspective in the hope that it helps you see your way out of a toxic situation. To show that there is a way that leaves both parties feeling OK about themselves. And one that leaves both parties secure in the knowledge that it wasn’t their *fault*.
I’ve got it on the schedule to turn this into a longer post, for now I wanted to get this concept out there in the hopes that it can help someone out there find their way through, and ultimately out of, a toxic relationship. If you’re in that situation and you could use some help and guidance, get in touch,
let’s start the conversation.